fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
