made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
