kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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