I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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