I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
