You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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