I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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