Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
