You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
