i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
