I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
