John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
