AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
