He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
