She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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