I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
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found the other keg... it's in the tree
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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