I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
