shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
