I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
