I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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