I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
