What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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