you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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