I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
