What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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