I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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