atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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