we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Randomize
