When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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