1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
