i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
