so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
