dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need to sanitize my soul.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
