Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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