Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
