I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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