Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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