apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
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Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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