Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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