Can Purell be used as lube?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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