I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the day after is always just damage control
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
