Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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