Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
