my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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