Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
