sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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