He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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