Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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