We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
