FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
