having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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