we're making bets on your personal life
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
