just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
