Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
