He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
