You're so nebulous sometimes
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
