I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
