you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize