U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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