You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.