she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize