Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays