dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?