Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.