i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.