yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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