I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
