if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
